Sunday, January 30, 2011

Chapter 8: Oliver's Visitors

A couple of days pass since Oliver’s surgery after the botched burglary attempt. Dr. Evans transfers Oliver from the ICU to a private room. Dr. Evans tells Oliver he is impressed with his desire and zest for a quick recovery. Oliver does have a few minor set backs in his ongoing recovery as he tries to do too much, too soon and too fast.  These too fast activities often result in longer periods of complete bed rest, much to Oliver’s dismay.

Oliver hates being stuck in the hospital with nothing to do. Kyle brings him some books and magazines from home, but Oliver can only stand to read so much. TV is an option, but like reading Oliver can only tolerate it in small doses. There of course is always sleep. Sleep is becomes one of his favorite past times during his stay in the hospital. This usually means he is up most of the night. This does have its advantages, as Kyle routinely spends the night with Oliver either in Oliver’s bed or on the nearby sofa. Oliver loves watching Kyle sleep and hearing the small snores that escape from Kyle as he is sleeping.

Oliver opens his eyes to the morning sun peaking through the hospital room window. He hears Kyle’s familiar snores nearby. He looks over to see Kyle asleep on the sofa. Oliver does not remember Kyle coming into the room last night. Oliver thinks to himself that Kyle probably had to work a late shift and came to the room immediately following.

Oliver smiles to himself as he watches Kyle sleep on the sofa in his white lab coat and green scrubs. This vision is definitely a perk to dating a future doctor. Oliver often fantasizes about Kyle playing his doctor ever since Kyle told him was going to medical school. These fantasies always end up with Kyle eventually coming out of the lab coat and scrubs so Oliver could thank the doctor properly for the physical he received. A smile forms on Oliver’s face as he fantasizes about the doctor scenario again.

“What’re ya’ thinkin’ about, Officer Fish?” asks Kyle after opening his eyes. He notes that Oliver seems lost in deep thought.

Oliver does not hear Kyle say these words as he is too deep into the fantasy. Oliver’s mind is most definitely preoccupied with his fantasy at the moment.

Kyle looks over at Oliver from the sofa. “Oliver! Callin’ ,Oliver Fish! Snap out of it.”

Oliver still does not respond.

Kyle climbs off of the sofa and walks over to the bed. He stands next to the bed and waves his hand in front of Oliver’s face. “Hello. Earth to Oliver. Are ya’ in there?”

Kyle’s hand waves finally catch Oliver’s attention.

“Hey.” Oliver says shaking his head to help himself snap out of the fantasy thought process.

Kyle smiles. “Good mornin’. Havin’ some serious and deep thoughts already this mornin’?”

Oliver suddenly realizes that he’s been fantasizing about this super hot guy who now stands in front of him. Oliver becomes embarrassed and his face turns a slight shade of pink.  “Sorry about that.”

Kyle continues to smile. “So what has ya’ so deep in thought, Mr. Fish?” Kyle sits down on the bed beside Oliver.

Oliver still feels embarrassed. “You!”

“Me? What about me?”

Oliver blushes again and his face turns a deeper shade of red. “I’d rather not say.”

“Why is your face so red, Oliver?” Kyle smiles and looks directly into Oliver’s eyes.

“I’m feeling a little hot this morning,”  says Oliver with a nervous cautiousness.

“Do ya’ have a fever?” asks Kyle. Kyle places his hand on Oliver’s forehead to check his temperature. “Nope. Ya’ feel normal.”

Oliver’s face becomes contorted in a nervous and mischievous grin. “I’m not sure your checking the right area for that temperature, Dr. Lewis.”

Kyle picks up on Oliver’s point and looks from Oliver’s face to the area in the bed under the sheets below Oliver’s waist and then back to Oliver’s face. “I see, Mr. Fish. How are we goin’ to take care of your sudden problem there?”

“I really hope you have some advice doctor. Ever since I saw some hot guy in a lab coat and some scrubs on a sofa here in this very room my mind has been racing with unimaginable thoughts and then this happened.” Oliver points with his hand to the problem area.

“Hmmm. A very interestin’ problem, Officer Fish. I’m not sure I’ve seen a case like this before. I’ll need to do some closer inspection to identify the cause of the issue. Are ya’ sure you’re up for this? Ya’ did just have major surgery.” Kyle smiles devilishly.

Oliver smiles. “I really think this problem needs some immediate attention. Surgery or no surgery.”

Kyle for a moment debates in his mind if he should do what he is thinking and then moves his right hand below the sheet, lifts Oliver’s hospital gown up and grabs Oliver’s manhood.

Kyle’s touch sends shockwaves through Oliver’s body.  Oliver’s breathing quickens in pace.

Kyle continues to smile. “I do see some heated activity in this area. We need to try and relieve some of the tension.” Kyle completely wraps his hand around Oliver’s manhood and starts moving his hand in an up and down motion.

Oliver closes his eyes and lets out a soft moan.

Kyle watches Oliver’s face as he continues to work on Oliver. Kyle loves this playful, a little nervous and non-prudish side of Oliver. This Oliver drives him all kinds of crazy.

“It appears sir that we may need to also perform some mouth to mouth activity to ensure that you continue to breath in a normal fashion.” Kyle bends down and places his lips over Oliver’s lips. The two get lost in some very passionate kissing. Oliver can feel Kyle’s tongue inside his mouth and moans again in pleasure. Kyle’s hand continues to work its magic and the kissing intensifies.

The hospital room door then opens and Oliver’s mom enters the room. “Good morning, Oliver.” Oliver and Kyle freeze. Barbara instantly takes in the view in front of her, the kissing and the other activity below the sheets. Kyle quickly moves his hand out from under the sheets and lifts his head up from Oliver’s face. Oliver and Kyle look over at Barbara who looks as if she is in a mixture of shock, surprise and displeasure based on her facial expression. “I’ll come back later, Oliver.” Barbara turns and walks back out of the room.

Kyle jumps up from the bed. “Mrs. Fish, please stop.”

“Mom wait,” says Oliver.

Barbara is already out the door.

Within seconds Oliver and Kyle are both taken back in time to a very similar incident that occurred during parents weekend of their senior year of college.

Senior Year of College - Parents Weekend

It is the Friday night before the start of the Parent’s Weekend activities at LU, which starts tomorrow morning with a pancake breakfast to welcome the parents to the university.

Kyle and Oliver are in Kyle’s room laying beside each other on the bed holding hands. The bed linens are pulled down to their waists with their bare chests exposed.  Beer bottles lay around on the floor and the two nightstands that flank the bed.

Oliver turns his head and looks over at Kyle. “I can’t believe parent’s weekend is already here.”

Kyle looks at the ceiling but hears every word Oliver says. “Time does seem to be flyin’ by this year.”

“I’m going to miss you this weekend even though its only a couple of days.”

Kyle is visibly agitated. “It doesn’t have to be that way, Oliver. We can still see each other. We have discussed this before.”

Oliver senses Kyle’s sudden change in mood. “I’m sorry, Kyle. I can’t take the chance with my parents in town. I want you to meet them and I will introduce them to you, but I think we should hold off on the extra curricular activities until they are well on their way out of Llanview.”

Kyle continues to stare at the ceiling as his frustration grows. “Fine, Fish. I’m not goin’ to have this conversation agin. It always ends in the same way. You hidin’ with your parents and me left wantin’ to be with ya’, but unable to even see ya’ until the parents are gone.”

Oliver props himself up on his side so that he can look down into Kyle’s face. “You’ ll still see me. We’ll be at some of the same parents weekend functions.”

“It’s not the same, Fish. It’ll not be like it normally is between us.”

“I’m sorry, Kyle. I know this situation isn’t perfect, but……”

Kyle continues to look up at the ceiling much to Oliver’s dismay and places a finger over Oliver’s mouth. “Lets not talk anymore. We know nothin’ is goin’ to change. Ya’ still can’t accept us or who ya’ are.”

Oliver rolls back on his back and also stares at the ceiling. His anger grows. He hates these moments of time with Kyle. Kyle always seems so disappointed in him when these conversations occur. Oliver then gets mad at himself. Why can he not be the person Kyle wants him to be? Then the fear of his parents finding out sets in again and everything comes back into focus. It has to be this way. Oliver wonders to himself why Kyle has not moved on with another guy who is more open and comfortable with being a boyfriend, let alone having a boyfriend.

Kyle rolls over and blows out the candles on the nightstand next to the bed. “Lets get some sleep. I want this weekend to be over already.” Kyle returns to laying on his back and stares at the ceiling again.

Oliver grimaces. Kyle always gets a final dig in to make his point.

Oliver then rolls onto his side and touches Kyle’s chest with his hand. “We don’t have to go to sleep just yet. We could…..”

Kyle rolls over on his side away from Oliver. “Sleep, Fish. We need to sleep.”

Oliver sighs and lays back down on his back and stares at the ceiling.

Both guys feel the tension in the room as their minds race with thoughts. Oliver wonders why Kyle is so understanding about his situation sometimes and then the complete opposite on other occasions. Kyle wonders why he is so taken with this closeted guy laying next to him in bed. Would Oliver ever change? More importantly if Oliver can’t change, Kyle wonders to himself if he can handle the current structure of their relationship going forward.

Finally about a half hour later, but what seems like hours to both Oliver and Kyle, they drift off into sleep.

On Sunday morning of parent’s weekend Kyle is sitting at his desk doing some reading for his Monday morning class..  He glances out the window of his room. Oliver pops into his mind. He misses him more than he thought possible. It  seems strange to Kyle to be alone, after all he spends almost every night with Oliver. This routine has been happening since their freshman year of college. Yes, Oliver and him had spent nights apart, but not apart and in the same building. Knowing Oliver was right down the hall last night drives Kyle crazy. He could barely get any sleep with the hope that Oliver would come knocking on his door. But the knock never came.

Kyle’s cell phone vibrates on the desk nearby. He picks up the phone. It is a text from Oliver. “Parents are on their way out.  Can’t wait to see you.” Kyle’s spirits are immediately lifted. He races over to the closet and pulls out a pair of jeans to slip on over his boxers. He also changes out of his current t-shirt and puts on a new one from the closet. He then slips on some shoes and takes a quick glance in the mirror  to ensure that he looks okay. Kyle opens his room door and looks down the hall. He sees Oliver saying good-bye to his parents. Oliver hugs his Mom and Dad. Oliver’s parents then turn and head down the hall where they will have to pass Kyle.

They see Kyle standing in the door as they pass.

“It was nice to meet you, Kyle. Oliver is lucky to have found such a good friend,” says Barbara as she passes by. George simply nods his head in agreement with Barbara’s comments. The two continue to head down the hall and turn towards the steps. As soon as they are out of sight Kyle closes his door and walks down the hall to Oliver’s room. Kyle knocks on the door.

Oliver opens the door and sees Kyle. A smile comes across Oliver’s face. “Hey.”

Kyle smiles. “Is Wes here?”

Oliver shakes his head no. “He’s out with his parents. He probably won’t be back until later tonight.”

With those words Kyle barges in closing the door behind him. He grabs Oliver around the waist and brings him into an embrace. No words are spoken between the two as the mouths come together. The intensity of the kisses send shocks of excitement through their bodies. They can feel how much they want each other through their clothing. Oliver pulls off Kyle’s t-shirt. Kyle returns the favor in between more kisses. Kyle kicks off his shoes. Oliver grabs Kyle by the front of his jeans and leads him over to the bed as they continue to kiss. As they stand next to the bed still kissing Oliver unfastens and unzips Kyle’s pants. Kyle removes the pants as fast as possible. They roll around the bed in only their boxer shorts, kissing and grinding with each other. Then the door to Oliver’s room opens.

Barbara enters the room. “Oliver honey, I forgot my gloves. I got all the way downstairs.” Barbara sees the activity on the bed and quickly turns away.

Kyle and Oliver immediately jump up out of the bed realizing they had forgot to lock the door.

Oliver looks over to Barbara. “Mom, I…..”

Kyle panics seeing the look on Oliver’s face.

Oliver is practically in tears.

Kyle looks over at Oliver. ‘I’m going to give you some space so you can talk.”

Oliver does not respond and continues to look over at his Mom.

Kyle grabs his shirt, jeans and shoes (he would soon get back to is room and realize that one of his shoes is missing), quickly gets dressed and races toward the door. As he passes Mrs. Fish he says. “I’m sorry ya’ had to find out this way. I truly am.”

Barbara does not respond and continues to look away from both Kyle and Oliver.

Kyle exits the room closing the door behind him.

Barbara still can’t bring herself to look at Oliver.

“Mom. Let me explain. Please. This isn’t what you think.”

Barbara slowly walks over and grabs her gloves off of Oliver’s desk and turns back towards the door. She grabs the doorknob with her hand.

“Mom, please. Lets talk about this.”

Barbara is still in shock and does not look back at Oliver. “I’ll call you in a few days.”

She opens the door and walks out closing the door behind her.

Oliver’s head is spinning. He can’t believe his Mom just walked in on him with Kyle. The disappointment on her face was like a knife being driven through his heart. Oliver does not know what to do next. He simply stands in the same spot he landed in after getting out of bed and watching the look of horror on his Mom’s face.


A few hours later, Oliver stands outside of Kyle’s room door. He knocks. A few seconds later Kyle comes to the door.

“Hey, Oliver. Are ya’ okay? How’s your Mom? Come on in.”

Oliver doesn’t move. “I can’t come in Kyle.”

The tone in Oliver’s voice is different than normal. It sends the inside of Kyle’s stomach into a whirlwind of fear and discomfort. Kyle knows what Oliver is going to say next and tries to stop him.

“Oliver, please don’t do this. We can talk about it. We’ll figure it out together.”

Oliver wants to run into Kyle’s arms and forget the events of the morning, but after seeing the look on his Mom’s face he knows being with Kyle is a huge mistake.  His Mom’s face would be permanently be engraved in his thoughts. He could not bear to see the disappointment in her eyes. “We can’t see each other anymore.”

“Oliver, don’t. Don’t ya’ dare say that. What about the last three and half years. You’re just going to throw all that away? I need ya’. Please.  Don’t do this to us.” Panic rises in Kyle’s voice as he gets these words out.

“There is no us, Kyle. There never was.”

“I don’t believe that, Oliver. You don’t know what you’re sayin’.”

Oliver begins to lose his courage to say what he came to say. He digs deep and continues.

“Kyle. You need to move on. This, us, whatever we’ve been doing. It disgusts me. It hit me in the face today as I stood there watching my Mom. This is not who I am.”

“This is you, Oliver. When are ya’ goin’ to accept it?”

“There’s nothing to accept. Please don’t talk to me ever again. Please stay away from me. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Kyle begins to get angry. “We live in the same house, Oliver. We’re goin’ to continue to see each other around. Ya’ can’t avoid me.”

Oliver responds with a stone cold look on his face. “You disgust me, Kyle. I see that now.  I don’t know why it took so long for me to see that.”

Oliver’s words hurt Kyle with a type of hurt he has never felt before. This is not Oliver. He wants his Oliver back.

“Ya’ can’t turn off your feelins and push me away by sayin’ nasty things, Oliver. You’re in my heart. Just like I’m in yours.”

Oliver sighs in frustration. “I’m sorry, Kyle. I don’t want this. I don’t want us. I don’t want you. Please just stay the hell away from me.”

Oliver turns to walk away. Kyle grabs his arm.


Oliver pulls his arm out of Kyle’s grip, looks back and says, “Don’t ever call me that again.”

Oliver walks away.

Kyle’s anger builds and he slams the door shut.

Kyle leans his head against the door and then pounds his fist into the door three or four times. As he hits the door some of the skin breaks over his knuckles and begin to bleed.

Present Day

Kyle hesitates to look over at Oliver. He fears he may see the same look he saw on Oliver’s face that fateful day back in college.

Oliver can’t believe that this is happening again. His Mom’s face looked almost identical to what he saw back in college.

Kyle tries hard to not let his nerves get the better of him. Oliver is out now. It is different than when they were in college. Then why is he feeling so hopeless? Even though he had tried to put the past hurt behind him a twinge of those painful times still resides inside of him.

Oliver begins to laugh. A slow laugh that grows louder over time.

Kyle looks over at Oliver puzzled. “Why are ya’ laughin’?”

Oliver in between laughs responds. “Come on, Kyle. This is kind of funny. I mean what are the odds that my Mom would walk in on us again.” He continues to laugh.

Kyle smiles and walks over to the bed and sits next to Oliver. He glances into his face, but does not see the same shame he saw in Oliver back in college. “I guess so. So this doesn’t freak ya’ out?”

“Well it’s kind of embarrassing to have your Mom walk in when your boyfriend is helping you out with something down south. “ Oliver smiles up at Kyle and the periodic laughs continue.

Oliver’s laughs are contagious and soon the two are laughing together.

Kyle becomes more serious. “Are ya’ sure you’re okay?”

Oliver grabs Kyle’s hand and squeezes it. He looks up into Kyle’s eyes. “This isn’t college. I’m not that person anymore. I want to be with you in every way, You know that.”

Kyle smiles in relief.  He bends down and kisses Oliver. The two get lost for few minutes in each other until Kyle breaks away. He stands and says. “Ya’ made my day today, Oliver Fish. Thank you for not pushing me away this time.”

Oliver cringes as he reflects on his treatment of Kyle after the incident back in college. Wow he said some really hurtful things. He was damn lucky that Kyle could forgive him now. “Thank you.”

“For what?” asks Kyle.

“For being the stronger person. For helping me to stop denying what I feel and for simply being you. For being the man who makes my heart jump every time I think of him.”

Kyle smiles and runs his hand across Oliver’s cheek. “I need to get home. I need to study before my shift starts again later this afternoon. Will ya’ be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. Will I see you later?”

“I’ll stop by before my shift starts.”

Oliver smiles. “A kiss or two for the road.”

Kyle sits backs down on the bed and brings his mouth to Oliver’s again.

There is a knock at the door. The kissing stops, but Kyle remains seated on the bed.

“Come in,”  says Oliver.

Zach peeks around the door with his head before coming into the room. “Hey, Oliver. Up for a visit?” Zach then notices Kyle sitting on the bed. “Oh you have company. I can come back later if you like.”

“Its okay, Zach. Come on in. Kyle is getting ready to leave.”

As Zach enters the room Kyle stands.

“Zach Stafford, this is Kyle Lewis, my boyfriend.”

Kyle looks over at Oliver with surprise and amazement on his face.

Oliver notices Kyle’s expression. “What?”

Kyle. “Nothin’. You’re full of surprises today.” Kyle is impressed. His Oliver just said he was his boyfriend to a work colleague. Wow!

Zach stretches out his hand to shakes Kyle’s hand. “Its nice to meet you.”

Kyle recollecting that he probably should wash his hands. “Hold that thought.”

Kyle runs over to the bathroom and proceeds to wash his hands.

Zach looks over to Oliver. “What’s that about?”

Oliver shrugs his shoulders knowing the reason, but not wanting to discuss it. Oliver is begging Kyle with his mind to hurry up.

Kyle walks out of the bathroom and over to Zach extending his hand. “Sorry about that. Ya’ can’t be too careful with all the H1N1 stuff going around.”

Zach shakes Kyle’s hand. Kyle is impressed with the firm grip.

“Very nice to meet ya’, Zach. Oliver says your new to Llanview.”

“Yes and on my first day of work I go and get your boyfriend shot. “

“Oliver, the hero. What can I say.”

Zach smiles. “Well he’s my hero. I’m very appreciative of what he did for me.”

Oliver is embarrassed. “Its no big deal, Zach. I was just helping out a colleague. You would have done the same for me if the tables had been turned.”

Zach still stands next to Kyle and looks over at Oliver. “Yes I would, but I still owe you my gratitude.”

Kyle notices Oliver’s embarrassment and tries to intervene by changing the course of the conversation. “Well guys. I need to be off. I’ll catch up with ya’ later, Oliver. It’s nice to meet ya’, Zach.” Kyle starts to walk towards the door.

Oliver clears his throat and says. “Excuse me. Are you forgetting something?”

Kyle turns and looks back at Oliver puzzled. “What?”

Oliver smiles. “Are you not going to kiss your boyfriend goodbye?”

Kyle walks over to Oliver with a half smile on his face. He bends down and whispers. “What have you done with Oliver Fish?”

Oliver smiles back. “It’s the new Oliver. Oliver 2.0 at your service.”

Kyle laughs. “You’re too much today.” He kisses Oliver and Oliver returns the kiss. 

Zach watches the kiss, but genuinely does not seem bothered by it.

Kyle breaks away. “Okay, I really have t’ go now.” Kyle runs his hand across Oliver face. “I’ll see ya’ later. Again Zach, it’s nice to meet ya’.” Kyle exits the room.

Zach sits in the chair next to Oliver’s bed. Oliver lifts the bed using the lift adjustment control so that he is sitting up more.

“You guys seems happy.”

Oliver is still a bit uncomfortable talking to a stranger, let alone another cop that he works with, about Kyle. He’s unsure how to respond, but forces himself to spit out some words. “Finally. It’s a long story. We have a lot to work on. The past, thanks mostly to me, was not very kind to us. But I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk about my personal life or my boyfriend.”

Zach shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t mind. Maybe someday you can tell me about it.”

Oliver is slightly shocked by this response. “You would want to listen? Knowing one of your fellow cops is gay doesn’t bother you?”

“Not in the least. My motto is whatever makes you happy.”

“I appreciate that, Zach. Can I ask a favor?”

“Anything, Fish. You saved my life.”

Oliver is embarrassed again. “Stop saying that. I was hoping I could ask you to not say anything else to the other people at work about me being gay. I need to come out on my own terms.”

“My lips are sealed, Fish. Don’t worry. I’m not in the business of outing people. It’s not my style.”

Oliver is really impressed with Zach’s words. “Thank you. I appreciate that!”

Zach stands. “Anytime, man. Listen I need to go. Bad guys are calling this cop to duty. I just wanted to stop by and say thanks again and maybe I can take you to lunch or dinner some time to show my appreciation.”

“You don’t have to do that, Zach. I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

Zach smiles. “I insist and I’ll not take no for an answer. You can even invite Kyle if you like.”

“Okay I’m not going to argue with you.”

Zach lays his hand on Oliver’s arm. “Seriously, man. I really am thankful for what you did for me.”

Oliver smiles as Zach’s hand lingers on his arm. “You’re going to give me a big head or something with all this praise. Get going. The cop shop is calling.”

Zach continues to let his hand rest on Oliver’s arm. There is a moment of quiet tension between the two guys. Zach feels some electricity in his body as his hand touches Oliver’s arm. The lingering hand perplexes Oliver, but he ultimately figures Zach is just saying thank you yet again.

Zach then seems to come out of a trance and removes his hand. “Okay, I’ll catch up with you later, Fish. Getting out of here soon?”

Oliver smiles. “Maybe tomorrow if all goes well.”

“Good for you and you’ll hopefully be home before Thanksgiving.”

“That’s the plan.”

Zach is at the door with it slightly open and looks back at Oliver. “Catch you later, man.”

“Later, Zach.”

As Zach walks out the door Nick comes around the corner not really paying attention to where he is going. The two literally bump into one another.

Nick finally looks up and sees Zach in front of him. “Sorry! I should pay more attention to where I’m going.”

“No problem, Mr. Chavez.”

Nick is impressed that Zach remembers his name. “You can call me Nick. Mr. Chavez is what the kids call me when I substitute teach.”

Zach nods his head. “Nick, it is then. It’s nice to see you again.”

Nick cringes with desire inside. “Likewise.  You don’t need to rush off on my account.”

“I’m not. I’m on duty in half an hour.” Zach looks back at Oliver. “Fish.”

Oliver waves.

Zach turns back to face Nick. “Goodbye, Nick.”

Nick gets lost in Zach’s blue eyes yet again. Nick seems to freeze as he stares into Zach’s eyes.

A sly smile forms on Zach’s face as he realizes Nick is lost in his eyes. “Nick, I really need to go now!”

These words snap Nick out of his trance. “Sorry. Right.” Nick steps out of the door so Zach can pass. Zach continues to smile at Nick and leaves the room. Nick then enters Oliver’s room.

Oliver sees Nick and is puzzled by his appearance. “Kyle isn’t here Nick.”

Nick comes over to Oliver and sits in the chair previously occupied by Zach.  “I came to see you, Oliver.”

“Really? What about?” asks Oliver a little perplexed.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, Nick. Now what’s the real reason you’re here?”

Nick hesitates. “Kyle is the reason. I need to know that you’re not going to hurt him Oliver.”

Oliver is not sure why, but when Nick says these words he suddenly feels mad and angry. “It’s not my intention to hurt him, Nick.”

“Was it your intention to hurt him college?”

Oliver is troubled by the direction of the conversation. “Things were different then. I’m not the same person.”

Nick stands and paces on the side of the bed where the chair sits. “Just saying you’re ‘out and proud’ does not make you a different person, Oliver. Are you going to be able to kiss Kyle in public, hold his hand in public, invite him to the Llanview PD Christmas party and introduce him as your boyfriend? Kyle wants that type of relationship you know.”

“I don’t need you to tell me what Kyle wants or needs, Nick. He can speak for himself.”

“You’re right. Kyle can speak for himself. But even though it may seem impossible in the short time we were together, I have very real feelings for Kyle. I still care for him immensely. I can’t stand by and do nothing if there is even a slim possibility that you’re going to hurt him again.”

“I appreciate that you care for Kyle. I wanted to even thank you for being with him when I was shot and sticking by his side. It meant a lot to him.”

“I would do anything for Kyle.”

Oliver’s tension mounts. “As would I. I would give my life for him.”

Nick fires back. “You wouldn’t have said that just a little over a month ago.”

“I beg to differ with you, Nick. I like to think that I would say that even being as conflicted as I was. I beat myself up everyday for the way I treated Kyle. He didn’t deserve any of that. I made some big errors in judgment out of fear. Luckily, Kyle has been able to put the past behind him. He’s forgiven me.”

Nick sternly asks. “Can you be the man he needs you to be, Oliver? Are you sure you’re ready for a real relationship with him? This is not college anymore. You’re adults now.  Do you even know how to make him happy? Do you know what makes him tick? Do you know why he gets into some crazy situations sometimes? Look I don’t mean to be a downer. I hope it works out for you guys. I really do, but if there is any doubt in your mind I’m begging you to deal with it now or back out before you hurt him again. He doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly by you yet again. He didn’t deserve it the first time.”

“Are you done, Nick? I’m tired and need to get some rest.”

Nick stops pacing and stands by the bed. “I’m sorry if I hit a nerve, Oliver. I think you need to ask yourself some of these questions. Kyle is way too special to be just be tossed away when  your fear gets in the way.”

“Why can’t you trust in Kyle? He’s willing to put himself out there again and give me a chance.”

“I trust, Kyle. I simply don’t trust you. I know first hand the very real pain you caused him.”

Oliver looks away from Nick. “Please leave. I think you’ve made your point.”

“I guess your right. Think about what I said. If there is even one little doubt about being with Kyle or accepting yourself, please back away now. Let him have some true happiness.”

“With you right, Nick?”

“With whoever makes him happy, Oliver. I’ll see you around.”

Nick exits the room.

For the next few hours Oliver repeats the conversation with Nick over and over in his head. His starts to doubt himself and his ability to make Kyle happy. The fear and doubt quickly gain control over Oliver’s thoughts. Oliver finally drifts off to sleep. His last thought being that he could not risk hurting Kyle again. Maybe Nick had a point. Maybe he could not be the man that Kyle needed.

Later that afternoon before the start of his shift at the hospital Kyle stops by to visit Oliver.

Kyle smiles as he walks into the room. ‘Hey you!”

Oliver looks up and Kyle sees the fear back in control all over Oliver’s face.

“We need to talk, Kyle,” says Oliver.

The smile fades from Kyle’s face.

Kyle shakes his head in a back and forth motion as he looks over to Oliver. “Not again, Oliver. I’m not going to let ya’ do this.”

Oliver looks away from Kyle. “I’m not sure this is going……”

Kyle walks to the other side of the bed to look Oliver in the eyes. “No, Fish. This isn’t happenin’ again.” Kyle pleads with his eyes for Oliver to talk to him as the anger begins to churn inside.

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